My Worst Habit

This post is rather more downbeat than my others, but I'm going to write honestly, because if I can't here, where else?

When we think of bad habits, we might think...biting nails, smoking, going back to people that hurt us etc. Mine is a bit different, but common.

I am a serial overthinker.

People might see me as a confident, carefree person who doesn't really care what people think, and yes, sometimes this is me. But other times it is a front I put on to try and protect myself.

I truly envy people who are able to brush off comments, and nothing really phases them. But I'm far from this, I can sometimes dwell on comments, I often compare myself to others, and I over think things a lot, especially in friendship groups and social situations.

Sometimes I think I am surrounded by people who continually don't make the effort, or perhaps I make too much effort? Perhaps I have high expectations of people and what being a friend is. I think sometimes I do try too hard or care too much, and I'm disappointed when I don't get the same back.

Going to uni is hard on friendships, and it's definitely a time when you realize who will always make the effort, who will only see you if you make all the effort and those who forget you exist the minute you leave. This summer I tried to take a step back to realize those that would make the effort, and if people would miss my efforts. I think this is something that does happen naturally when going to uni, but it's sad still.

Unfortunately I do take things quite personally a lot of the time, and I will always look for a reason...perhaps that person doesn't want to see me? Yeah that would make sense...I'm boring, what if they think I don't have a personality? And so continues the spiral, it always comes back to me and what I'm doing wrong.

Over thinking is common, but it is something that can take over your life. It affects your concentration, self esteem and decisions, not to mention it hurts.Obviously I'm not in a very good position to give advice, but I think monitoring your thoughts and stopping them in their tracks when you might start over analyzing helps, as well as trying to keep busy and keep your mind off things. It's a cliche and I find this so difficult, but also get rid of people who don't make you feel 100%.

I'm not writing this post to be depressing or to seek attention, I really just hope I'm not alone in my over thinking, and I hope people will act/think carefully around potential over thinkers. I try not to talk about my over thinking very much, as I worry I seem paranoid (Yep more over thinking!), but I hope this post encourages you to share what you might over think about, so let me know either in the comments section of this post, or where I share it.

Bitch Please. Don't.

I think this is a particularly big subject at the moment, I only wish it wasn't! Hate it or secretly love it, bitching or negative talking is everywhere. 

An online dictionary defines Bitching as 'To complain; grumble' but I think it has become deeper than that. I think bitching is mainly found in groups of girls, talking negatively about someone behind their back and saying things they're unlikely to say to their face.

Whilst a bit of constructive criticism never hurt anyone (hopefully!) bitching can be really upsetting and hurtful. I recently read a card that said 'Friends don't judge each other, they get together to judge everyone else.' And I agree that it's perfectly natural to talk about other people outside our friendship groups, but imagine what you'd do if the person you were bitching about heard you, would you be embarrassed? If so then maybe you should think carefully about what you say.

I'll hold my hands up and say yes I've bitched before, as I'm sure we all have, but I've also been the one bitched about, and it hurts, even for the hardest of people.

What baffles me is how bitching still occurs, when it seems so unnecessary. Does it help you in anyway to bitch? Does it make you feel better? To me all it seems to do is hurt others. It does nothing for anyone's self esteem.

I think it's also important that we control ourselves in group conversations, I agree that it's so easy to join in when people are talking about someone negatively, but there really is no need, you can listen to someone's opinion but joining in can be dangerous.

I try to remember that I have no idea what is going on in other peoples lives, and that everyone has flaws and no one is perfect. What right do I have to criticize someone else when I'm far from perfect?

Whatever happened to boosting the confidence of others and admiring their differences? Let's give that girl the benefit of the doubt before we gossip about her, and think before we speak.