My Worst Habit

This post is rather more downbeat than my others, but I'm going to write honestly, because if I can't here, where else?

When we think of bad habits, we might think...biting nails, smoking, going back to people that hurt us etc. Mine is a bit different, but common.

I am a serial overthinker.

People might see me as a confident, carefree person who doesn't really care what people think, and yes, sometimes this is me. But other times it is a front I put on to try and protect myself.

I truly envy people who are able to brush off comments, and nothing really phases them. But I'm far from this, I can sometimes dwell on comments, I often compare myself to others, and I over think things a lot, especially in friendship groups and social situations.

Sometimes I think I am surrounded by people who continually don't make the effort, or perhaps I make too much effort? Perhaps I have high expectations of people and what being a friend is. I think sometimes I do try too hard or care too much, and I'm disappointed when I don't get the same back.

Going to uni is hard on friendships, and it's definitely a time when you realize who will always make the effort, who will only see you if you make all the effort and those who forget you exist the minute you leave. This summer I tried to take a step back to realize those that would make the effort, and if people would miss my efforts. I think this is something that does happen naturally when going to uni, but it's sad still.

Unfortunately I do take things quite personally a lot of the time, and I will always look for a reason...perhaps that person doesn't want to see me? Yeah that would make sense...I'm boring, what if they think I don't have a personality? And so continues the spiral, it always comes back to me and what I'm doing wrong.

Over thinking is common, but it is something that can take over your life. It affects your concentration, self esteem and decisions, not to mention it hurts.Obviously I'm not in a very good position to give advice, but I think monitoring your thoughts and stopping them in their tracks when you might start over analyzing helps, as well as trying to keep busy and keep your mind off things. It's a cliche and I find this so difficult, but also get rid of people who don't make you feel 100%.

I'm not writing this post to be depressing or to seek attention, I really just hope I'm not alone in my over thinking, and I hope people will act/think carefully around potential over thinkers. I try not to talk about my over thinking very much, as I worry I seem paranoid (Yep more over thinking!), but I hope this post encourages you to share what you might over think about, so let me know either in the comments section of this post, or where I share it.

Bitch Please. Don't.

I think this is a particularly big subject at the moment, I only wish it wasn't! Hate it or secretly love it, bitching or negative talking is everywhere. 

An online dictionary defines Bitching as 'To complain; grumble' but I think it has become deeper than that. I think bitching is mainly found in groups of girls, talking negatively about someone behind their back and saying things they're unlikely to say to their face.

Whilst a bit of constructive criticism never hurt anyone (hopefully!) bitching can be really upsetting and hurtful. I recently read a card that said 'Friends don't judge each other, they get together to judge everyone else.' And I agree that it's perfectly natural to talk about other people outside our friendship groups, but imagine what you'd do if the person you were bitching about heard you, would you be embarrassed? If so then maybe you should think carefully about what you say.

I'll hold my hands up and say yes I've bitched before, as I'm sure we all have, but I've also been the one bitched about, and it hurts, even for the hardest of people.

What baffles me is how bitching still occurs, when it seems so unnecessary. Does it help you in anyway to bitch? Does it make you feel better? To me all it seems to do is hurt others. It does nothing for anyone's self esteem.

I think it's also important that we control ourselves in group conversations, I agree that it's so easy to join in when people are talking about someone negatively, but there really is no need, you can listen to someone's opinion but joining in can be dangerous.

I try to remember that I have no idea what is going on in other peoples lives, and that everyone has flaws and no one is perfect. What right do I have to criticize someone else when I'm far from perfect?

Whatever happened to boosting the confidence of others and admiring their differences? Let's give that girl the benefit of the doubt before we gossip about her, and think before we speak.

12 Things I'd tell my 16 year old self

12 Things I'd tell my 16 year old self

I've been reading a book called 'Dear Me: A letter to my 16 year old self'. It is filled with celebrities letters, some funny others very heartfelt and emotional. The book inspired me to create my own little list. Enjoy! x

1. Don't spend so much time worrying what people think about you. Everyone has their opinions, you will never please everyone. Life is too short.

2. Don't waste time on people who don't make the effort with you. It will only result in you getting hurt and disappointed.

3. Stand up for yourself at work and leave for somewhere that appreciates you.

4. Stop trying to be up to date and a follower, do your own thing and be you!

5. You're not stupid. You just have more particular strengths then others.

6. Help your mum out more, she needs it!

7. Do more singing!

8. Stop being a people pleaser, be a little selfish.

9. You don't have to be the loudest, coolest person in the room. Somebody is noticing you!

10. Don't take advantage of the time you have with your sister, one day it won't be so easy to spend so much time together!

11. Be brave. Stop dismissing opportunities because you don't think you're good enough. Go for it and you could be surprised.

12. Don't ever let anyone hold you back.


What would you tell your 16 year old self? I'd love to know!

Comments welcome as always!

Whose side are you on anyway?

It's happened to all of us, we've bumped into a friend's ex we used to hang out with and not known how to act. Or perhaps two people in your group have fallen out and you don't know what to do.

The question is, should we be taking sides at all? Should we stick with the friend who has stuck by us through our own hard times/the friend who we've known since we were teeny tiny or stay neutral and sit on the fence?

This happened to me only yesterday, as a friend's ex boarded the train I was on. I tried to stay away but we made eye contact as we were leaving the train, and there was no turning back, I had to say something!
I should add that it was a pretty messy break up, but I didn't want to be rude and made general small talk without talking about the mentioned ex, and all was well.

Image courtesy of searchquotes.com

To me taking sides seems a bit childish, although sometimes maybe it's acceptable (I'm thinking the Millie/Louise/Spencer scenario in Made In Chelsea here!). In a case of a friend's ex, steering clear when the break up is still a sore subject is probably your best bet - getting chummy with her ex while she's still in the practicing 'All by myself' Bridget Jones Style and eat my body weight in chocolate phrase might not be a good idea. But when they have both moved on and there's no awkwardness, simple small talk will stop you from being rude and anti social.

If it's a friend scenario, staying neutral will help to make sure you don't lose any friends. Just make sure a nasty friend doesn't start on you, or that you become the go between finding out what they're both saying about each other behind their backs. Also taking a side could come back to bite you in the future, if they make up and questions are raised as to why you stuck with one friend and not the other.

Valentines Day Rant

Valentines day...you either love it or hate it...right?

I have to say I'm undecided. I loathe the dreaded search for a decent card, trawling through all the mushy sayings and pet names, I feel physically sick. A card saying 'You'll do' is all I need to say.

The truth is this will be the 3rd Valentines day I've celebrated and yes, it's a nice way to celebrate being together, but shouldn't you be doing that everyday? Isn't Valentines day just a day for card shops to make more money in between christmas and mother's day?

I'm not entirely cynical, promise. Last year my boyfriend asked me to meet me in town, where he'd made me a treasure hunt of clues and gifts etc. all dotted around in places that were significant to us as a couple. There was the cinema we went to for our first date, a quiet place we'd often sit and talk, the first expensive restaurant he took me to and the church we attend together.

I love how it gives you an excuse to do something together, to make the effort to go out for dinner instead of arguing who cooks, but how do you feel when you're single? Why is there no day to celebrate being single? Or even to celebrate being yourself, loving yourself? For singletons, Valentines day could decrease confidence and make you feel damn right crap about yourself..(I'm thinking a Bridget Jones type rendition of 'All by Myself' here.) Valentines day seems to mke out you're sad if you're single, which could not be further from the truth. Really Valentines should be about celebrating having love in our lives from our family and friends.

Beyonce at the super bowl!

After her shock lip synching at Obama's inauguration, Beyonce seems to have...at the Super Bowl.

Beyonce admitted to miming her songs at the inauguration on the grounds that she 'Is a perfectionist' and did not have enough time to practice, she wanted to make Obama and the country proud, and felt her only option was to mime.

I absolutely love Beyonce, but I have to admit I was disappointed when I heard she'd mimed. On one hand I kind of see her point, as a singer myself I know how difficult it is to sing with little practice! But it is her full time (ish) job and with the amazing voice she has, I'm sure her 'worst' performance would still be amazing to us! What's worse - a bad performance or to be remembered as obviously miming?

Beyonce is such an inspiration to so many, certainly me! I love her independence, her body and style, not to mention her voice and songs! But I do feel she may have let a few fans down by miming, especially as she is usually so professional and amazing!

However, she certainly restored fan's faith in her success in her Super Bowl performance. In an admittedly small and revealing garment, Beyonce still managed to look stunning. She performed 'Love on Top' and 'Halo' as well as 'Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)' with the help of former bandmates Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams.

Everyone makes mistakes, and I doubt Beyonce's fans will have been put off by that one performance. Beyonce is and always will be a true professional; churning out albums, doing more showstopping performances whilst still maintaining her to die for figure, even a year after having her baby, Blue Ivy.

Over and out,

Number one Beyonce fan.(Always)

My First Semester at Uni

Thinking back to the whole scary process of deciding what to do next after sixth form, applying to uni, nervously awaiting offers and attending interviews, I always doubted that I would be sitting here today.

I'm the kind of person that most things don't come easily to, it's not that I'm stupid, (as mum always says!) just that some things take me longer than they might others.

I always loved reading and writing, I actually get stressed if I can't write!

After a love of reading and writing throughout primary school, in year 6 I made a magazine out of paper with my felt tip pens. I showed it to my mum and she seemed really impressed! She kept showing other members of our family and that encouraged me to keep making more.

I'm a tad obsessed with magazines, my room is plastered with them! So this course choice seemed very appropriate for me.

So in preparation for uni, I was so excited! The day to arrive at my halls finally came around, and all too soon I was left alone in my room, after my sobbing family left me. Then I felt alone and a bit scared - I didn't know what to do... go and say hello to flatmates? Sit in the kitchen (on my own..)? Start unpacking straight away? Doubting questions hit me; What if no one liked me? What if I hated my course? What if I couldn't do it?

I needn't have worried! I'm now into my 2nd term, and I am so happy! I love my course and uni even more than I thought I would - I have such a passion that hasn't gone away, I learn new things each day, I am given lots of opportunities, I am able to get involved in lots of different and exciting projects, along with having a lot of fun and laughter along the way!

I really feel my first semester at uni has been such a learning curve! I feel as though I've found something I can do well at and be passionate about (When friends back home ask how uni is, my response is always: 'Amazing! I love it!'). I also feel like I have been able to make friends in different groups, who encourage me, support me and make the whole journey a lot more exciting!

I'm so excited for the next few years, but right now I don't feel like I'll ever want to leave!